


you’ve never been to a gotham baby shower?

by rootbeetfloat



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Batfamily (DCU), F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gotham City - Freeform, Teen Pregnancy, The baby isn’t Tim’s, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24526678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rootbeetfloat/pseuds/rootbeetfloat
Summary: “Timbo you may have grown up in Gotham, but you didn’t grow up in the real Gotham.”“He’s right Tim,” Steph agreed. Her happiness at the change of subject was obvious. “A Gotham baby shower is an Experience.”“What occurs at such a festival?” Damian asked. He was loathe to admit he didn’t know something, but his curiosity won out.“Steph, do you wanna tell the Demon Spawn, or shall I?” Jason asked with a sly glance across the coffee table.Steph, from her perch on the purple beanbag she’d insisted Bruce buy on pain of no waffles for a month, gave a face-splitting grin. “Please, be my guest Jason.”•••••Stephanie announces her unplanned pregnancy to the Batfam, which leads to a conversation on the traditional Gotham baby shower.
Relationships: Stephanie Brown & Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Jason Todd, Stephanie Brown/Tim Drake
Kudos: 159





	you’ve never been to a gotham baby shower?

**Author's Note:**

> Like none of this is comic book accurate. I’m pretty sure Steph’s pregnancy occurred when Jason was dead? But it’s fun so

“Are you keeping it?” 

Those are the first words to break the tense silence followed by Stephanie’s announcement. The Wayne brood had not appeared to be very pleased by her unplanned pregnancy. She got it. She hasn’t even graduated high school yet and she was already knocked up. The only way it could be worse is if it was Tim’s. She sort of wished it was. Anyone would be better than the meathead who had actually knocked her up. 

“No, I’m not keeping it,” Steph said. 

A part of her wanted to keep it, but that wasn’t really an option with her occupation.

“Damn that sucks,” Jason groaned. “I haven’t been to a Gotham baby shower in forever.”

Tim’s curiosity appeared to win out over whatever feelings he had about that comment. “How is a Gotham baby shower different than any other baby shower? I mean, I went to couple with my parents and they were boring as hell.”

“Timbo you may have grown up in Gotham, but you didn’t grow up in the real Gotham.”

“He’s right Tim,” Steph agreed. Her happiness at the change of subject was obvious. “A Gotham baby shower is an Experience.”

“What occurs at such a festival?” Damian asked. He was loathe to admit he didn’t know something, but his curiosity won out. 

“Steph, do you wanna tell the Demon Spawn, or shall I?” Jason asked with a sly glance across the coffee table. 

Steph, from her perch on the purple beanbag she’d insisted Bruce buy on pain of no waffles for a month, gave a face-splitting grin. “Please, be my guest Jason.”

“Ok, where to begin?” Jason mused. “So a Gotham baby shower is given to anyone in the Narrows, regardless of class, job, race etc. Everyone gets together in the nearest open space— usually a park, though sometimes a warehouse— and the parent or parents go through a series of challenges.

“The challenges vary based on who’s hosting, but they mostly stay the same. The first challenge is the strength challenge. The mom, or the dad depending on how far along the mom is, have to face an opponent and showcase that they have enough strength to protect their unborn child. If the dad’s not around another family member or friend will take their place.”

“Who do they fight?” Dick asked amusedly. He was positive this was all bullshit, but he liked Jason’s stories. The nice family time didn’t go amiss either. 

“Usually another family member, like an uncle or something. I heard a rumor once that Mrs. Ramirez fought Poison Ivy while six months pregnant and won.”

“No no, that was Lacy Smith, Jason,” Steph scolded. “I can’t believe you would forget something like that.”

“Are you sure? I could have sworn that Ramirez did.”

Steph seemed to take a moment to think. “No I think she fought Selina.”

Bruce snorted. “So Selina participates in these things?”

“Of course Brucie,” Steph said in mock seriousness. “She’s Gotham born and raised, after all.”

“Ok, we’re getting off track,” interrupted Dick. “Please continue Little Wing.”

“Thank you, Dickiebird, you’re ever so kind. Ok so, strength is just one aspect. Usually it’s wrestling, but I think there was an arm wrestle once.”

“The Chens once had naked, greased wrestling at theirs, which was very uncomfortable for seven year old me to witness,” Steph said. 

She shuddered as if she was reliving it. The family seemed to agree with the gross factor, because there was a variety of disturbed facial expressions in the living room.

“Glad I wasn’t there for that one. Anyways, the next challenge is the Walk of Fire.”

“You’re making this up,” Damian accused. 

“Demon, you grew up in an assassin compound in the desert, what do you know about Gotham traditions?” Jason asked.

“He’s right and he should say it,” Steph agreed.

“Ok back to what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted.”

Damian rolled his eyes and likely would have left the room entirely if Dick hadn’t chosen that moment to envelop Damian in a Koala hug.

“Let me go Grayson! I am not a child!”

“Shhhhh, Jay is telling a story.” 

Damian wiggled a little more before giving up with a sigh.

“As I was saying, the Walk of Fire. It originated as a literal walk on fire. Specifically hot coals. It has since become, due to cowards—“

“Cough—Tiffany—Cough—Ward.”

“We do not speak that name in this house, Steph. Due to COWARDS, the Walk of Flames is now just a walk of leaves that is supposed to symbolize coals. To compensate for the lack of fire, the mom has to eat a really spicy pepper at the end. It’s supposed to symbolize that a mother will walk through hell for her child.

“The third challenge is to drink snake poison, to symbolize that a mom will die for her child. I’m pretty sure no snake poison was ever actually consumed, and that it’s actually just really strong moonshine. Of course, due to complaints of the ‘baby’s health’, that challenge became the dad’s challenge. The mom just cheers from the sidelines.”

“After that it’s just a huge party,” Steph interrupted.

“Yeah,” Jason said. “All the local DJs will show up, there’s cake and everything. There’s also usually like five fights and the occasional gun shot for added ambiance.”

“It’s not a real Gotham Babyshower without at least one gun going off,” Steph agreed. “My mom tells me that at her baby shower there were two.”

“You guys couldn’t just use fireworks?” asked Barbara.

“Where is the fun in that Babs? Also where the hell did you come from? I could have sworn you were not here a minute ago.”

“I am everywhere.”

“You’re dramatic is what you are,” Dick said with a laugh.

“Watch it Wonder Boy.”

“So that’s a Gotham baby shower,” Jason concluded. “You get why I’m sad Stephie is giving her little bean up? You could have had all that and more!”

Steph let out a small laugh. “I would never survive those challenges.”

“You’re the strongest chick in the building!” Tim assured. He paused after that statement before amending it with, “As long as Cass isn’t also in that same building.”

“Speaking of Cass, have you told her yet?” Babs asked. The two girls were usually attached at the hip. It was a long running joke that Cass was just waiting for Steph and Tim to break up to shoot her shot.

Tim winced before Babs had even finished her sentence. Cass was in Hong Kong and unavailable, which had caused Steph no small amount of grief, of which he had heard all of.

“No she’s still in Hong Kong,” Steph said. “But Brucie said he’s got a plane ticket waiting for her when she’s available.”

“Yes, I do,” Bruce agreed. 

Bruce and Steph had an odd relationship. Steph was the only one allowed to call him Brucie unironically and they shared a love of breakfast foods that no could really understand, but they also couldn’t stand each other out in the field and she was one of the few Gotham vigilantes he hadn’t adopted. Despite that, he’d so far been pretty supportive of her unplanned pregnancy.

Babs, as if sensing she’d stepped on a sensitive subject, kindly said, “When she comes home we’ll have a spa day. Just us girls.”

“I mean, it’s no Gotham baby shower, but…” Jason joked.

That statement seems to ease any of the growing tension in the room. Any remaining tension disappeared when Babs threw a pillow at Jason’s head.

“Hey hey, you can’t throw a pillow at a disabled person!” Babs shrieked as Jason went to throw it back. 

Jason hesitated only seconds before ignoring that. Unfortunately his aim was off and he hit Dick who squawked in surprise. When Dick leapt up to grab something to throw back, Damian went tumbling off his lap and fell off the couch into Tim.

“Get off me Drake!” he screamed.

“You’re the one who fell into me!” 

The room dissolved into chaos seconds later. Even Bruce got into it. The chaos ground to a halt, however, when a vase went tumbling to the ground and shattered.

“Shit, who’s going to tell Alfred?” Bruce whispered.


End file.
